Rules of the Road

I know living in a town so close to Atlanta means that we will constantly come into contact with dumb drivers. Its only natural to have bad drivers when there are so many people on the interstate.

My problem is, on the back roads, while taking my 5 year old to school, there are absolute IDIOTIC people on the roads.
I shouldn't have to tell people, who are very obviously older than i am, that they have the right of way at a 4 way stop. And I shouldn't almost wreck because some fuck up doesn't realize it isn't their turn to go!
When you come to a 4 way stop and there are other vehicles, the first person to the stop sign has the right of way, then its in a counter clockwise order.
When you see that the main road way has been blocked, do not stop. There is another way around the blockade. Go that way.
If you don't know what the fuck you are doing while you're driving, turn on your blinker or flashers, and pull off the road onto the shoulder.
Never pull out in front of someone and then ride your breaks.
Never ride your breaks.
Stop acting like a fucking moron on the road.

Ow. Ow. Ow.

Pretty sure I over did my workout yesterday. I didn't do the Zumba, but I lifted more weights and did some muscle building exercises.

Today I am so freaking sore. So I'm going to do cardio and stretches today.

Good thing I have a lot of Biofreeze.

My starting measurements

This is to keep track of my measurements during my weightloss.

Weight: 277 lbs
Bust: 49"
Waist: 40"
Hips: 54"
Thighs: 32"
Calves: 16.5"
Ankle: 10.5"
Biceps: 17"
Wrist: 7"
Ring size: 9

Well, at least my waist is still smaller than my chest and my hips... :(

"Uncle"

Just a quick post.
Single moms, stop bringing random men around your children and having them call the men "Uncle".

There is an absolutely precious little boy in my son's class. He's quiet, intelligent and sticks very close to me whenever I'm in their class.
Last week, while I had him in my group (I help out in their class every Thursday for their language arts groups) the kids got to talking about their families. I know everyone's siblings names, their parents, where they live and all that (parents, please explain to your kids not to give directions to your house to a stranger).

After everyone told me their mom's name, we went around the circle and said dad's name. "Z" said his dad's name is "Uncle". He has lots of "Uncles" and "Papas".

It broke my heart.

Women, you can't force a man to stay in your life. You can't force a man to be a father. But you can be the best mother to your child(ren).

This goes back to knowing who you are, knowing what you're worth, and not having to depend on anyone for anything. Be there for your kids and stop confusing them. Stop letting them doubt your love. Stop letting them think that other people come before them.
Your child should be your world. And if they aren't, then you're doing it wrong.

OH NO! A BREASTFEEDER!

Eeeeek! Hide your kids! There's a woman whipping out her boob to give her child a meal!

I am a PROUD breast feeding mom. I nursed my son until he weaned himself at 10 months, and I am currently nursing my daughter who just turned 21 months.

I think breastfeeding is the best possible thing you could do for your child, and I will gladly stand up for my, and your, right to nurse until our nipples fall off.

I will not stop nursing just because it makes someone uncomfortable. Don't like it? Don't look.

That being said, I'm sick of nursing. I enjoy the time with my daughter. I am glad I have had this long to give her such a great start to life. The first 7 months of her life, she received nothing but the boob. No pacy. No bottle.

After than she nursed and ate homemade baby food (I'm a chef, what do you expect?) I have never once bought formula for my kids. And I am so blessed to be able to say that.

But I want my boobs back. I want a full night of sleep. I want to be able to get work done without Sorcha screaming bloody murder while hanging from my leg wanting "mulk pessssssssssss". I have been trying to slowly wean her for the past 2 months, but its not working.

But when people tell me "Its time you stop" or "Don't you think that will ruin her teeth?" or any other way of telling me how to raise my child, it makes me want to continue for the next 5 years.

By the way, nursing actually washes away germs in the mouth and is perfectly healthy for teeth.

Heavy Lifting

If you don't personally know me, then let me enlighten you on my BIGGEST issue.

My weight.

I have never been super skinny. I have never wanted to be super skinny. But 10 years ago I did have a flat stomach. You could see my abdominal muscles without me sucking in. I had the most perfect hour glass figure.

I was SEXAY!

But I was 17.

And as I approach my 27th birthday, I realize that I am disgusted by what I see in the mirror. I know that fat chick isn't me. The way I look isn't who I am. (I know a feel people that need to realize that about themselves!!!)

In these ten, very very long years, I have packed on...get ready for it...one hundred pounds.

Its like I'm carrying around my youngest sister in law!

Last year, my husband, Jason, and I decided to make a pact and lose all of our excess weight. He's an ex-football player and in the same boat I'm in.

We changed our diets. Stopped eating out. We worked out EVERY DAY! He went to the gym and did P90X. I did Zumba daily.

We were looking fantastic! I was so proud of a progress and lifestyle change!

Then, we started making excuses.

"I'm too tired and busy, I'll work out tomorrow"
"Lets grab something quick since we're in town anyway"
"I don't feel like cooking, order pizza"

We gained all of the weight we had lost back, and then some. We are both now bigger than ever.

I'm sick of it. I know I can do it. I've done it before.

So, I'm going to do it again. And you're going to hold me responsible.

On October 11th, I will turn 27.
By October 11, 2012, I want to be at my goal weight.
No. I WILL be at my goal weight.

I worked out and lifted weights yesterday.
Today I did the P90X Ab Ripper, lifted weights, and when I get back from picking my son up from school, I'm going to do the 45 minute Zumba Cardio Party.

Over the next 2 weeks, I'm going to put my body through hell. This will be my "jump start" that most people replace with pills, cleanse diets, or fad diets.

I'm doing this the right way, and I'm going ALL THE WAY!

Starting weight (as of this morning) 277 pounds (shocking, I know)

I will post my weight once a week. And probably a picture of the scale as well to show I'm not cheating. And once I lose 30 pounds, I will post my "before" pics (already have them) and then my "progress pics" for every 10 pounds I lose.

Why I think you're trash.

In the previous post I talked about bullying, so this may seem like a contradiction. But its not.

They say you can't judge a book by its cover. So I don't. I wait until I get to know people before I make an assessment of who they are.

And after extensive review, I have decided that a few certain women I know, are trashy sluts.

I am just head over heels in love with my husband. If I ever lost him, I couldn't imagine even thinking about being in another relationship. He is my soul mate and he completes my world. We have been though hell, and have come out of it stronger than ever.

I believe that every marriage should be like this.

Sadly, they aren't.

In the past4 years I hav know 3 different women, from 3 different backgrounds, walks of life, and faiths, that have shown me how shady a bitch can be.

All three women were married to, and had children by men who were diagnosed with cancer. All 3 men were young. All 3 men were devoted husbands and fathers who would have done anything for their families.

The first couple, he was a preacher. She was a preacher's daughter. They married young, and had 4 children before he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. While on his death bed, he had a vision from God and was given a list of names. He miraculously got better and was able to leave the hospital. And when he had the strength, he sat in the chair and waited for his "doting" wife to come home. He read off the list of names to her and asked her why God had given them to him.

She was sleeping with them all.

Sadly, he is no longer here, but was able to leave this world with a woman by his side that truly loved him.

Couple #2. They had a somewhat rocky marriage, and 3 children. He loved her dearly. But he was worried about her faithfulness while he was out of the state working. He thought he had the flu, and it didn't seem to be getting better, so he got checked out. At the age of 30, he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. He wasn't even given a timeline. He quickly went down hill. Days after his death, his wife moved in with another man.

Couple #3. I've only spoke with her online. She showed every sign of a loving wife. We (our "mommy group") walked through her husband's cancer treatment for 2 years. It was heart breaking for us all when he passed. She even told us all of their last moment together (which still chokes me up!). But the next week she was telling us of how she was sleeping with "an old friend". Then she was going out to bars, and sleeping with a second guy. She was having men come over while her kids were asleep. And the last straw was her bragging about touching some strange man's dick while he danced for her. Her husband has only been buried for 2 months.

Am I the only person that sees something wrong with this? You married these men, and professed your undying love for  them on several occasions, but jump into bed with another man the first chance you get? You, ma'am, are a trashy whore. I pity these men.

Bully This

Over the years there have been more and more talks about stopping bullying. And that's a good thing.

You should not bully people just because they're different, poor, unpopular, or because you think they're weak. That just proves you are an asshole.

I teach my son (and will teach my daughter as she gets older) that you never pick a fight with someone or put them down just because they're different than you. Its not funny. No one will think you're cool. You won't earn respect.

Being a bully is just dumb.

Now to those being bullied. Why won't you stand up for yourself? Why are you allowing someone to make you look weak? You get bullied once, its because you are being tested. You can walk away and act like its no big deal, even if it hurts your feelings. But don't let it happen twice. If someone thinks they can take advantage of you, they're going to keep doing it until you stand up for yourself and put them in their place.

If you aren't good at thinking on your feet, then remove yourself from the situation and think about every insult someone can throw at you. Then think of rebuttals.

If someone is assaulting you, and you can't fight, take self defense classes and beat their ass.

If its cyber bullying, then delete your account, create a new one and make it completely private. Don't add people to social networking sites that you don't know, or don't talk to in person. Don't cry because someone spreads lies about you. Everyone gets lied about. Stop dwelling on it.

If you're gay, stop getting all worked up cause someone is calling you a fag. They aren't worth killing yourself over.

Being a teenager is hard, and there are a ton of assholes in high school that are so bored with their lives that they want to start any drama they can. Those girls calling you a whore, are actually whores and want to take the focus off themselves. Trust me, in 10 years, they'll look 30 years older than their age, and no man is going to want them.

You get picked on cause you aren't blonde, tan and skinny? Guess what, you'll have beautiful skin for years to come because you aren't living in a tanning bed. Real men really do love curves (really). In fact, they'll do anything to be with a woman with curves. And blonde is so over rated. (red is where its at!)

Bottom line, stop worrying about what every one else thinks of you or says about you. You should be able to look in the mirror every morning and every night and say "I'm ______, and I'm better than those skanky bitches/worthless dickheads! And no one can change that, except me."

Take charge of your life. You run it. No one else.

THAT MAN!

I adore my husband. He treats me like an absolute queen. I get everything I want. I am spoiled rotten.

My husband treats me the way a wife SHOULD be treated. The way a WOMAN should be treated.

I am so sick of hearing about your man treating you like the dog shit he stepped in.

Your husband cheats on you all the time and tells you that marrying you was a mistake. Yet you sit there and say "I'm going to fight for him because I know he can be the man I married"

You're used constantly for your money, your car, your connections, whatever. You know he's using you, but you stay in the relationship because he MAY fall in love with you.

Am I missing something here?

I know I did stupid things and let guys walk on me when I was a teenager, BUT WE'RE ADULTS!
If that man aint treating you like a queen, HE NEVER FUCKING WILL!

He's not going to roll over one morning and say "Baby, you've been amazing, and I am so deeply in love with you. Thank you for all you've done"

You need to wake the fuck up. Take it from someone who's been there and seen tons of situations just like yours. Hell, I have a ton of guy friends that tell me all the shit they've done to females because the females LET THEM! My own husband did cruel things. Cause he could get away with it.

Why are you letting them get away with it? Why are you being a booty call? Why are you giving that asshole money? Why are you paying for all of his shit? Why are you letting him cheat?

WHY?!

I swear to God Almighty if I hear one more female say "Well I just can't be alone. This is better than being single" I will shoot you with a fork gun right in the face.

He is dragging you through hell by your hair, and you're letting him because you're WEAK. You are a weak, pathetic bitch. You are a disgrace to our sex. You're a disgrace to humans!

When are you going to realize that you'll never amount to anything until you grow some ovaries, pull your big girl panties up, and demand respect? YOU ONLY GET RESPECT WHEN YOU SHOW THAT YOU DESERVE IT.

YOU ONLY GET RESPECT WHEN YOU SHOW THAT YOU DESERVE IT.

Do I need to say it again?

Get rid of that shit head.

BE ALONE. Seriously, you CAN do it. Stop telling yourself that you can't. You're worth so much more, but only if you realize it.There is a man out there that wants nothing more than to worship the ground you walk on. But you need to figure out who you  are and what you're worth. Because right now, you aren't worthy of him.

How can I be grateful?

I remember in the 7th grade, we had to write a paper in gym (wtf were we doing writing papers in gym?!) and the subject was "If you could be anyone, who would you be and why?"

I remember it vividly. I wrote that I wouldn't want to be anyone else. I said "everyone has problems and faults, so why would I want to take on someone else's burden?"

I was pretty insightful for a 13 year old.

At the end of the class, a girl that everyone made fun of, including me (hanging my head in shame) handed me her paper.

She wanted to be just like me.

It was like a punch in the gut.

She wrote that she wanted to be just like me because I never got angry. I never made fun of people. I always stood up for those around me. I was such an amazing person.

I cried and felt like shit. I had run this girl into the ground for years behind her back. And here she was praising me.

Now she was right on a few things. I didn't let people see me angry. I smiled no matter how hurt/angry/rejected I felt. I also stood up for those who couldn't stand up for themselves.

I was raised in church and tried to live right. I dressed differently. I acted differently. I spoke differently. It made me feel like an outsider, and I thought everyone around me saw me as a loser.

I felt like a loser.

I was poor. My parents fought constantly. My dad was abusive. I had been molested. I was told constantly by my father how stupid I was and that I was a nigger and I'd never amount to anything. So in public I did all I could to fade into the background.

I only stood up for people cause I didn't want them feeling like I did.

As I got older, my self esteem got worse. I did a lot of stupid things. I was with the WORST guys. And I HATED myself for it.

At the age of 17 I walked into my kitchen and fell to my knees. I had hit rock bottom. I cried out "God, please, please, just take me! I can't take this anymore! Please just kill me!"

I had lived in self loathing for 17 years while trying to uplift every one around me and it broke me.

I was drinking every single time I was alone. I was taking massive amounts of pills. Every time I drove I would think "How quickly would I die if I ran into that tree/pole/off this bridge?"

I just wanted the pain that overwhelmed me to end.

Then one day I sat in my chair and God laid this peace on me like I had never felt. I poured out my heart while picturing the new preacher at my church (I wasn't attending church anymore, but I had heard him preach). I just unloaded everything. Every feeling. Every sin. Every short coming.

Then I prayed. I gave every single thing in my life to God. I put my life in His hands and said "I can't do anything. I've messed it all up. Your will be done."

And since that day I have been able to look up and say "Thank you". I'm not saying my life got easier. I still struggled for years. But when I remembered that it was all in God's hands, things went smoothly.
I realized that the shit that happened to me in my past doesn't determine my worth. Its what I chose to do with those experiences.

I may have hit rock bottom, but I got back up. I learned that even when you fall flat on your face, you can still army crawl your way until you can get up on your hands and knees. And I learned that for every bad situation you go through, you can always find the good.

I went through hell, and came out stronger. I came out stronger because I know that God needed me to go through it so that I could help others. There are so many more instances in my life where someone showed me that my "fake it til you can make it" smile got them through their own personal hell.

So instead of constantly dwelling on the wrongs in your life, why not look up and tell God "thank you" every once in a while. Give your burdens to Him. He's better equipped to carry them anyway.

Honesty Today

I have always been an honest person. Kinda to a fault.

I don't believe in telling "white lies" to make people feel better about themselves or to keep up appearances. A lie is a lie is a lie. You tell one lie, then you have to tell more to keep it up. And if you lie to me, I can't trust you.

Ever.

The reason I have been thinking about honesty isn't because someone has lied to me lately. Its because people keep lying to "protect" the DEAD. I can't understand that. The person is dead. If they're hanging around listening to  what you're saying about them, what EXACTLY can they do about it?

Nothing.

So just let the truth flow. Trust me, it will make you feel better. You've been covering shit up for years and I know it has to be wearing on you. So now is the perfect time to get it off your chest.

I'll go first...

He WASN'T a great man! He was a child molester, a womanizer, an abuser, and a heartless jerk. Yea, maybe when he KNEW his end was around the corner, he probably did give his life to God. I will not dispute that. But don't sit there and lie to everyone talking about what a fantastic father and husband he was when we know the truth! I've heard the stories. I've lived through it. I have come to terms with it, maybe its time you do the same.

Its not a fucking brain injury. The son of a bitch stole a gun, walked out of church and blew half his brains out in front of his friends. It was planned. He did it to get back at you. He did it because he was on drugs. Stop calling him a miracle just because he lived. Look at his life and your life right now. Is it a fantastic blessing? Has it become easier? Is your walk with God closer than ever? No? Know why? CAUSE ITS A FUCKING PUNISHMENT! Stop letting him play sports and go on retreats that you can't fucking afford, then turn around and beg for money! Stop saying he isn't fit to work, but in the same breath talk about the fact that he wants to live on his own. You're making yourself look like an even bigger fool.

Why are you still trying to convince people that she's your daughter? You know she's your grand daughter. She knows she's your grand daughter. EVERYONE knows she's your grand daughter. Your son had an illiterate child and didn't want her. Her mother raised her for, what, 3 years? Then all of a sudden you have become her mother? You were in your early 50's and all of a sudden popped out a 3 year old? She's now in her 20s. She knows exactly who her parents and sister is. LET THE LIE GO! Its over! You're supposed to be a preacher and people of God. Why are you lying?

Same preacher, why did you viciously try to destroy another preacher? What could have possibly been going through your mind to think it was ok to try to ruin a young father's life? Did you, yourself, not preach on the dangers of messing with a man of God? And you did it anyway. Now look where you are. Broken. Feeble. Your son murdered. Your life in shambles. You have cancer. Has God gotten through to you yet? Are you listening to Him, yet?

I could go on and on, but this is getting a bit lengthy. The point is, stop lying, people. Stop lying about others. Stop lying about yourself. Stand up and take responsibility for your actions. Stand up and stop being afraid of backlash.

Know what honesty gets you? A clean conscience and a good nights rest. And maybe even respect.

Welcome!

I am a wife, a mother and a chef. And I have a million thoughts and opinions that I just want to put out there. So I decided to start this blog to rant, rave, and babble about whatever gets stuck in my head or lights a fire under my ass. It will be controversial. If I offend you, well, I really don't care. This isn't for anyone's benefit. This is just my random thoughts and feelings. I will not apologize for anything I say. I will not be politically correct. And I will not sugar coat. Read at your own risk!